Deviant Journal is kinda like cutting my wrists. I only come with a ferocious wall of text when I feel emotionally vulnerable, then I post something funny to keep my family from seeing. ^_^ For instance, I hate myself. I don't think before I act. I bought a $3 rat at the pet store and now I hate him! It's not even for any good reason! I hate him because he's scared of me like everything else with half a brain. I went to the mall today this woman took off running when I offered to carry her things for her. So I went to hot topic and bought four bottles of hair bleaching kit.(which sets my funds to 0) Then when I said, "I feel like crap I'm going to take it out on my rat, who has failed me as a companion. My Companion Cube plushie doll has made a better companion than Thorious. The it overflowed online, "No No! Don't kill him!" "Why the fuck not?" "Well, it's not a REAL failure!" So then I remembered something Daniel told me: "Serial killers start by torturing animals then move up to people. Thats why the guy throwing cats off his roof is definitely nuts"

So I decided not to electrocute my little "friend". Left a hell of a lot of drama to sort out.

[X]You have yelled at an inanimate object for 'hurting' you.
[X]You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[X] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[X] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
[X] You have ran into a tree/bush
[X] You have been called a "blonde"
[X] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[X] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm
[X] You sang them to make sure.
[X] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[X] You have choked on your own spit.
[] You have seen the Matrix/Star Wars and still don't get it
[]You type with three fingers or less.
[X] You have accidentally caught something on fire.
[X] You have caught yourself drooling
[X] You have fallen asleep in class
[] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[X] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you were talking about.
[] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[] You are often told to use your "inside voice"
[X]You use your fingers to do simple math.
[] You have eaten a bug accidentally
[] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[X] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.
[] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't.
[X] You break a lot of things.
[X] You tilt your head when you're confused
[X] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[] The word "um" is used many times a day.
[] You don't know what "um" means.
[] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[X] You used a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.
Total: 22
MULTIPLY BY 3 & REPOST WITH "I AM -% Stupid"

Forget all about it though. Your still not getting into MENSA if you score under 5%

Well, it's been a month. Things have steadily gotten worse as each day passes. I have only one friend and I wish ill on all my former friends. My internet life is the same story to the letter.

I don't understand how you can mix anti-social tendencies like agoraphobia with a need for other people to be around. I tried. Really hard. Everyone I met was just a passing glance or a liar. Why is it my mind and body are not content to be alone?

My living conditions are no better either. I personally renovated my whole house, and it still feels like shit. My cost of living has gone up. I'm being rejected from volunteer positions at the firehouse and elementary school. Even the government is throwing me out, saying I don't have the right credentials every time I go by.

Is this worth living...

This is the first thing that happened to me today. I found it hilarious

So this guy Ryan sends me an IM. Now Ryan is in one of my circle of enemies so you can easily see why I was on guard. So he says, This is not Ryan but one of Ryan's friends. Will you go out with me? I'm a girl. "Seeing as Ryan hates me and you are in Ireland... Sure, I'll pick you up at 6:00" So she sends me a MSN address, weeprincess@hotmail.com, and I add it to my contact list. Then:


HI

yo

so... you like Ryan and his friends?
And are not Ryan and his friends in disguise?
Or have them in the room for the purpose of irritating me?
Forgive my skepticism this more than a little unusual.

OK

So what kinds of things do you like?

IRISH DANCING

Can't say I've seen much of that.
Is that you in you're avy?

CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING

sure.

R U A BOY

yeah

RYAN LOVES U

I thought you'd say something like that. I don't really care.

OK THEN BUT DO U LIKE ME

sure

MEET ME DOWN IN CURLEYS AT 6 OR 7

Sorry, I'm not a real great swimmer.

CURLEYS

... What's that?

A SUPERMARKET

In Ireland?

I live in Virgina. It would take me like a week to get there.

THEN Y DID YOU ASK ME OUT

Because I'm 100% sure this is a trap

IT IS NOT
I LIVE IN BELFAST

Try to understand my point of view...
One of my enemies sends me a message...
Say's they're someone else...

I AM NOT UR ENEMY


Says that Ryan loves me...
And wants to meet me after 5 minutes of talking. A little suspicious no?

I WAS ONLY JOKING

R U SEARIOUS U LIVE IN VIRGINIA

Fraid so. I would gladly leave, I just don't have the money.

IS VIRGINIA SUCH A PLACE

It's in eastern USA. In the middle along the coast.

OK

WHAT AGE ARE YOU

I'm not usually this much a jerk BTW. I just don't want to get screwed over. 22

U R 22

yeah

I AM 10

lol

NO SEARIOUS

That's fine. It's not like I'm a pedo or something. Talk all you want.

WHAT IS A PEDO

Pedophile. Person who is attracted to children.

WHAT IS UR NAME

James

OK
HI JAMES

Hello um... Pricess XP

NO I AM NOT PRINCESS

I know. what's your name?

HANNAH
NO IT IS
ROXY
MILEY

Then hello Roxy Miley

IT IS NOT HANNAH IT IS ROXY

JAMES
I DON'T LIVE IN BELFAST
I AM HANNAH MONTANA'S SISTER
LITTLE

Ok.
I don't much care for celebrities. They kind of ruin the art of cinima.

THANKS
CYA

~Later

NOT LATER

Never?
That's fine.


Better than a balanced breakfast that was ^_^

Hello again journal.

I know it seems like I only write bad things in you so today I'm going to write... A story! (My real life still sucks)

This is a story, about a man named Ted.

Ted was an ordinary guy. He ate 6 square meals a day, and went to work on time. He had no love life and few friends. Which is odd, since ever since he was a little boy everyone nearby him became instantly happier, more healthy, and smarter. The effect of Ted's anti-vampirism applied to everyone but himself. He was not an especially jealous man or even very emotional in any regard, but he did wonder why everyone but him was better off. Ted was actually wrong, that everyone around him was better off than him only while he saw them. For example, he was quite envious of an old begger, whom to Ted's perception, was a 25-year-old expert on nano-physics. Ted, lacking in emotion, was one day filled with the desire of self betterment, which he knew nothing about. He went to the nearest person and asked, "how did you get to be so sexy in all attributes?" The Stranger responded, "I dunno. Just sorta comes and goes, more often around lunch time." Ted was exasperated by the strangers response as it was about the same in all 42 people he inquired of varying times of day. So it went on that way for the better part of a year. Ted, walking the streets breathing new life into everyone around him while it died unknowingly in his wake. Finally, Ted had had enough of everyone being better than him at everything and he wanted to know exactly why. So he traveled to the Himalaya's in search of a cliche mountain wise man. It didn't take him long to find one as it was on the first peak he climbed. Ted turned to the wise man and asked "How did you get to be so wise?". The wise man said "Well I was up here about to jump off this mountain, then you showed up."
"Really now?" Ted asked surprisingly. "Yup. My wife's dead, my children hate me, and I have a real discomforting bunion right here... or at least I did." Ted thought he was on the pulse of discovering what the secret to success was on that mountain top. So he waited there asking the wise man all the questions he could think of and the wise man kept thinking he was gonna get sick of life and jump off the mountain. So for a less hygienic decade Ted and the wise man sat there on top of the mountain. Both of them wondering when they would know what they climbed the mountain for. Meanwhile, an impoverished village at the base of the mountain was receiving the benefit of Ted's mysterious condition. Over the 10 years that Ted was there that village flourished into a mighty city where everyone was equal and rich. Skyscrapers towered until they were on par with the mountains and streets paved the ground and the sky, but still let the sun through. Ted's and the wise man's conversation finally was nearing a close. Ted asked, "Wise man, whats your name?". The wise man shrugged and said "You know, I don't think I need something like that anymore." Ted, waited for a moment then stroked his newly grown beard and said, "That's quite profound wise man. I think I'm going to go now." "See you later." Said the wise man. Ted descended the mountain and the wise man returned to normal. The wise man hurled himself off the mountain, only to land 2 feet lower on the roof of a giant sky scraper, the shock curing his bunion. "Well look at that." Said the wise man, taking the express elevator to the bottom floor.
Ted had spent 10 years talking to a random guy he met who, at the time, was better off than he. Completely ignoring the world beyond himself and the wise man. With that, he returned to his home, ate 6 square meals a day, and went to work on time.